|
Devone Laquansia Parritio Mulando Kramer III
|
|
|
| Jawless Peggy Leggy Weggy Veggy Neggy |
[Aug. 19th, 2005|10:41 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  deep | ] |
Wow yalls i am totallys loves again. I was over at mys paint thinners dealer Fast Eddie adn I wass sitting round takling about his new buissness as a prositute down in front of the wallmarts buts it was nots goings to well causes the manager kept cuming out and hitting him on the head wis a shoppign cart ands somes fertilizer or some shit and each time he would wake up he would be in a diffent state or something which I wouldn't know becauses I don'ts evens knows wat state we is in right now. I used to knows buts thens i gots hit on the head wis a bucket of paint whens I was cuming home form work one knight and by work I means working my wonder weasel in front of the strip joint fo coins ands so fars I mades about 94 cents ands somes pamphets about acceepting jesus o some shit buts anyways I was down thers and I runs into an ole freind whos had been prostituteing with eddie, she is a hottie ifs I ever saw ones. Heres is a hots picture of hers and anothers ones of of Fast Eddie he gave to me to give to spanky pants who he has alwys thought wsa a hottie
Sexy Lady 8===D
Fast Eddie 8==D  |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|12:35 am] |
|
Oh mys gods! It be lanquizckiskdflkj agin. yal i duns fawnds me sum hat as teens to get in sum lovin wit. Devone well hav the hats for theez mofos after he heres they song . dey lives sumwerz and we gotta finds em befo they get raped by sum other homeles peeps. well, the baby grow up. |
|
|
| Jewish Nostarayesterdakusns bigfoot |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|10:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Letter Filled | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Times | ] |
Isa was rummaging thourhg some garbage yesterdays and foudnds this form. I don't haves an adress so i ams putting it on here and all you sexy ladies better responds or elseses.
|
|
|
| YAHWEH!! NO WAY! |
[Jun. 12th, 2005|02:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ON FIRE!! | ] |
oh mys gods eerbody, we dones lost Devone! i no the god dayum governmement has sometin to do wit it. Y'all needs to listen up here, cus I aints no holla-back girl, no, I aints no holla-back guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl. Sorry, musta bin that ridlin and painthinner kickin in. Dahyum, al yas needs is some illegal substances to make yous thinks about that hotty Gwen Stefani. Woo, I want summa that sweet azzz. BUT I BET SHE WORKS FOR THEM CHUBACHABRAS!!!! Oh mys gods, eerbody, Devone! Well
It all started when one day Devone was walkin' down the street, and he herd all these strange voices goin' "Prophet Yahweh! Prophet Yahweh!" Man, Devone musta just been all puffed up or sumin cuz I didnt hear no voices. So Devone starts screamin and rolling on the ground going alls "MY NAME AINT NO PROPHET YAHWEH YOU FUCKIN' CHUBACHABRAS!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH KATHERINE HARRIS!!!!!!!!!!!!" and thens he gets up and starts talkin about Katherine Harris eatin babies or sum crap. Ever since then I's been scared for Devone. He has what we calls the 'alien-emo sydromee'. It's basically where aliens disguise theyselves as selfmutilating emos and use skurils to do they mind-bendning hypnotausmic expereemints. So I thinks the skurils gots into Devone's head ands ate the part of his brain that controls his freewill. They say its the same one that controls your condom fetish, and Devone aint been the same lately. Just the other day, Secretia stapled a condom on his penis and he didnt get off, not even a little precummin action. So then he punched Secretia in the face and she fells back and started droolin. So then Devone gots all sads cause it reminded him of Sexyhotsexface and so he grabbed his screwdriver and condoms box and ran aways. So I's just hung Secretia on my door as to ward off evil demons with her sexiness and mabey kep them dam brain-washin, government Emo skurils from getsin in my cripbs. So de other night I was listenin to the radio cus the Modest Mouse CD I found in the dumpster broke, and I's found this kicass alien show called "after dark" on the AM radio stations. And they hads on a special guest, the "Prophet Yahweh!" SO I's decided to wage war on the Prophet Yahweh cus he's gunna be summenin' down spaceships in Nevada. HES GONNA START THE WAWR OOF THE WARLDS!!!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN
So den this Prophet Yahweh gets to yappin, and I's was like well slap my momma and call me Irish, thats Devone! He sonds real bad! He sonds like he hadnt had a good fixin in at least four hours! man, I's gots to save Devone!
Anyways, here's as picture of Devone ;-( I hope he can find a hooka real soon.
 |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2005|08:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  horney | ] |
Hey mans i was checking my comments and i think we might have a problam causes that Laquanixa had spankys love child and now she is demanding child support fo it, Buts the thing is we aint got no moneys. But we talked it out and we's decided that we owes her 3 rounds of hot lovin a week and 20 tacos a month. It's gonna be tough thou buts thats the price you pay for not using no condoms. The hot loving will be easy buts the tacos will be trickier cause taco bell don't let me near the dumpster since i got caught having sex on the grills with some chick with one booby. thats was also the day that i found out what is really in the special sauce, (thinks of horney chiuahahas) Buts that babie is just the cutest little kis you ever saw, I evens gots this picture from my webcam that came with mys new computer
Before the pictuer was taken Laquansixa even painted him up with her makeup she likes to wear a lot. I think the little fucker looks just like ole spanky himself. But i am still worried cause i hasn't seen spanky in abouts a weeks now. I's been having to take overs his child support duties which is nots thats bad buts if Laquanixaas finds out he is missing she will burn our condom box home. the only raison she hasn't is cause i's made a cardboard cutouts of hims out of crayons and housepaint and she has jsut been to drunk to notice.
|
|
|
| No firefighters gonna stop me |
[Apr. 11th, 2005|09:21 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Sexy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | SALSA | ] |
Hey y'alls sorry i hasn't been on in a while buts thats is only because the computer down at the ole whorehouse broke buts thats jus becuase i's was over their with Secretia gettings some more illegal hardware store drugs, ands i was bored so i's gots on the computer ands was looking ups obease black miget porn tryings to finds a girl i knew back in middleschool, ands all of a suddens i gets some pop up add saying HOT HOT HOT INSURANCE RATES AND SEX MACHINES HALF OFF or some shit and all of a sudden Secretia comes in and sees the screen and yells OMG THE COMPUTER IS ON FIRE. So she pulls down her pants and jus starts pissing all over the motherdrive or something ands i's yells WTF SECRETIA I WAS JUS ABOUT TO GETS MY CROTCH CANNON ALL UP IN THAT SHIT YOU KNOWS ABOUT MY CAR INSURANCE FETISH. Buts then she tells me its ok cuase she is a liecenced firefighter but about that time the computer started sparking ands caught her on fire so the owner of the whorehouse Joe Daddy had to put's it outs Buts then i didn't have no computers so I's thoughts it might haves been the ends o sexuation, buts i's was in the store the others day ands i sees a big rack of computers so I's just grabs one and shoves it in my pants ands tries to runs outs but its was real hard cause the damn thing weighed like 20 pounds. Buts I just acts casual and shit and runs outs the doors and all these alarms go off ands dogs started chasing me downs but lookin back i is pretty sure thats the dogs were just old ladies and shopping carts which sucks cause I hit one in the face. Buts anyways I hasn't seen spanky in a while and i's needs to find hims. Maybe he gots abducted by those illegal aliens he keeps talking about. |
|
|
| I sure miss ole peggy |
[Mar. 4th, 2005|09:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sexually | ] |
Holys carp. I am now a real computer nerdo extrodiasdaire. see me and Spanky and Secretia was down at the ole crackhouse caues secretia was low on her paintthinner stash and needed the hook up cause we is not allowed in the hardwear store ever since they cought us trying to have sex with a belt sander with a screwdriver welded to the end, man i's was sore fo two weeks afta thats but i sure do miss that hot belt sander lovin. Buts anyways i was in there ands i see this ole friend o mine back from highschools which was cool cauise she was the only other person do droped out in the first week, buts the only reason i dropped out was cause the steroid caftetiria foods made my dick limp and my english teacher anways forced me to change naked in her closet. Buts i remsbered from all the sweet loving me and my ole freind used to make that she had this wierd little tail i always liked, some kinds growth birth thing o somethings, buts i always liked that tail cause it tickled and kinda curled around. So i is like hey baby you me back room now an you can wrap that tail o your round my CROTCH CANNON. so we wents back to the computer room ands i was giving her the ole one eyed welshman, ands i looks over and there is this little ole girl i met a while who was the kid o some crackwhores adn we always called her peggy on account of she olny had one arm cause her momma smoked so much buts she was doing some wierd typeing talking with a lot of brurrp and doododlm noises buts i guess ole spanky musta heard soemthing so he burst in and started shouting LOL i aint no limp ogre licker and i was liek shut up spanky everyone knows it means luscious oral lover. So thats about when Peggy gots really pales and rans out of the room screamings about how she was gonna be eatens by demons or some shit, but anyways the point is i figured she was gone so now i gots me a new aim name, so fo anyone who reads this look up lotsohugs23 cause it is mines now biitootch. so remembers LOTSOHUGS23. i just can't guarrantee i can get on too much caause i still haven't found nixon or no chupachabra. |
|
|
| gess whose back |
[Mar. 2nd, 2005|03:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
Wow, You alls woulds not belive what happened the otehr day. Me and secretia was in the woods looking fo ole bycicle tires and nuclear weapons adn shit so we could get that chupachabra adns guess who we's found............. sexyhotsexface!!! Wes was so happys we hads a threesome right then and there, ands it was the best I's ever had. Boy the ole CROTCHCANNON really gots himself a nice slammbanging that day. So secretia helped me drag her back to the ole condom box but I thought somethins wrong cause her skin is all green ands her front teeths gots all sharps and shits and whens i woke up that knight shes was standing over spanky pants tryings to give hims a hickey. Sos i met this guy once in jail whos was a preist whos was in there fo molestic chickens or some shit adn he tolds me that i need to be careful when i sleep because vampaires and zombiess and shit will come into my dreams ands steal my soul so i asks him whats do they look like cause i gots a lot of weird dreams abouts corndogs and that white stuff that forms around dryed super glue,and my dad and shit. ands he tells me that you can always tell a vampire and a zombie cause of the green skin, bad smell, multicolored blood, and sharp teeth so spanky sectretia and i all think sexhotsexface is a vampirezombie. but it is ok cause it jus makes the loving twice and good and now i she even gives me hickeys. I don't think i is becoming no vampire thou cause most of the blood i had was replaced by cholesteral and heroine, which is why after she sucks on my neck she gets all sleepy and empty eyed. I is also pretty sure thats she gots that way becase there is a witch that lives in the woods near us that never liked me cause i was behind the adult fun store whens i founds a bag of deffective dildos and lube and shit so i's brought it home but i didnt' want mr. spankypants seeing it cause he would just steal them and use them to make a radio anternna to talk to those aliens like he did with my last sack o sextoys so i's decided to go finds a bear cave and put them in there cause spanky hates bears so much. so i's went into the woods ands was looking fo a cave buts jst before then i had a bad buzz off somes pickles i founds that said 1934 on the jar. ands so i was in the woods and i saw a little ole house and thoghts well thats is as good a place as any so i opened the door and i saw this tall pale lady in black and she says what the hell are you doing there but i was drunk so i mistook her fo a cop nad shouted you aint getting none o my moneys now biznotch you red eyed black beatin small peckered mother fucker. and i swung around and hit her wis my sack but it made me all dizzy and i stared puking but i couldn't stop spinning so i just kinda spun aroung and made a huge circle of vomit on her walls and floor fo what was like 15 minutes and eventually i passed out and woke up tied upside down to some monkey bars with no pants. ooo i gots to go sexyhotsexface is trying to give me a hicky again. see yas. |
|
|
| chupachabras hate billy idol |
[Feb. 13th, 2005|11:30 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
Well yalls this could be my last entrie cause me and spanky agree that there be a chupachabra in the woods nears us. see i was walking back from just givin some mexican hooker some sweet lovin in a bush and its may be because o all the paint thinner i had jus injected in my ass but somethin came up behind me and grabbed on to my back and just started rapings me up the ass. Now i didn't mind it at first casuse mama always told me never pass up free lovin, buts thens it took some sort o claws and kept trying to suck out my brain or something, and so I's grabbed a tire iron and swungs it around and hit it;s and's next things i knows i hear this crunchin sound and it hopps back intos the trees, so i's start shouting GETS THE HELLS OUT OF MY ASS YOU GODDAMED RATMONKEY SONOF A BITCH. Buts then i looks down and that little sharpdicked motherfucka took my billy idol watch i gots in whens i saw him in concert and i's totally got some hot loving off a sexy blow ups doll covered with condoms an glitter that i's founds in a bush. so i runs home real quicks and tells spanky and he saids it was a chupacabra thats escaped from nixons private stash. So nows me and secrectia is gonna stock up on rocks and sharp sticks and shit to wage war on it. I is getting backs my billy idol watch if it kills me. Ands i am pretty sure spanky has some gun-powder filled enema bags he has been savin fo a special ocassion.
Buts on another note I's am very turned on by all the coments we's been getting lately. Especiially from that sexy razors man. I would rape tha bitch anytimeanywhere and maybe even have the chupachabra get in on the action. And i also think nixon might have a tight asshoel casue anyone who wages failed war on a small rat infested nation and thens went through watergate must have a tight asshole. Ands i can't foget abouts chris, who will always be my numero one sex fantasie. 8=============D - - - ( @ Y @ ) |
|
|
| memerial |
[Feb. 8th, 2005|08:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
Sorry's i's hadn't got on in a whiles. I's been mourning. Wells as you all have heard my's girlfreind sexyhotsexface is probably dead. We ain't seen her since the cops dragged her off after she and secretia got in a fight. I is sure gonna miss her but it's ok I am sure that she is up thers in heaven giving god some sweet sweet loving like she used to me. Like that time thas i found a can o green paint behind the hardwear store and thought it woulds be funny if I's painted my hot love stick green so's I coulds lay it's in the grass and tell her it's a snake and see her freak out cause i once thoughts i heard her say something about how much she hated snakes, but it may have been spankypants in the bushes trying to catch that rainbow birthday snake that shoots coffee outs of it's eyes he's is always talking about. So i's lays it next to her and's she just sortas drools this bright red stuff buts i knews that deep down she thoughts it was a good joke, and then we made sweet loving all night long. So's i mades this picture to rembers hers by...
I'm sures it's what she would'f wanted. Buts anyways i's been meaning to tells yalls abouts hows we finally gots a computer downs at eh ole whorehouse which means i don'ts needs to break into peoples houses no more. We had to line it with tinfoil thou cause spankypants says nixon's ghost will posess it and use it to look up heraphrobite porn under his name. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|03:51 pm] |
High evrybody this is Secretia her. Mes and Devones girlfred gots in a big fight. I found this ded skwerel on the sidewalk yesteday or last week or sumthin, it had got all lectrocuted and stuff, and i was like HELL YEAH DYNNER so I shoved it in my pants to get it all warmed up for whens I got home. But on my way home I saw this crazy jap guy smoking some weed sos I stop to get some and next thing i know WAM he hit me in the face with a toaster and they took my skwurle. I was just kinda sitting there bein the toaster gave me a good buzz and i saw that african guy who hit me with the baseball bat slip a whole bunch pills down its mouth and up its but and then that crazy cuban threw it at me and ran away. Da jokes on him tho, because i love pills and they made that sqerel seem like th finest possum i ever ates. but i didn't eat that bitch till i got home. I put it on the ground and all da suddn devone's girlfrend fell on it and started bleeding all over it and some shit and I told her to get off my diner but she just started gurglin and shit so i kicked her in theface so many times that i started to black out but that just made her blled harder on it, an its not that i mind the blood, my momma always said thats chock full o perteins and stufff but deys sumthin wrong with her blood because it sizzles and turns green and brown and chuunky perdy fast. so i just kept screaming "THIS IS MY AMURCA YOU IRAKI TEARORIST" until the cops came but theyz didn't gets me cuz i got that dam pig hard in the eye with one of my heroine needles and injected the hell out of that bitch then i grabbed my sqwerel and i ran away and had some really hot lovin with this mexican guy for some coke whiles i ate that drugged up sqwerel, that coke was good too, they call it fire blow. i came home not way too long after that and got all the CROTCH CANNON i could take without breaking my hip bonez and i don't think devone is mad or nuthin because when i told him we were doin it. I think those pigs got his girlfriend tho cuz i haven't seen her since she was bleedin all over my skwerel. Spanky says the bears got her, but I think it was that amberlence and those aliens who were disguised as paremediks. |
|
|
| i gots a hot threesome |
[Jan. 31st, 2005|07:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  high | ] |
Hey yall this is THE CROTCH CANNON talking here and if any of you's out in internet land forget to capitzlize it i will kick you in the throat. I's just getting on to talk about the sexy ass threesome i's just had wid sexy secretia and my's girlfreind. I was thinkin of calling her sexyhotsexface. Oh yeah so me and secretia and sexyhotsexface in the dumpster down by the circle k adn ole spankypants walked up and was all like show yo self nixon i knows you is out there laughing at me wit you poisionios beers adn all. And i is all like hey spankypants get over here adn get some hot ass lovin and he was all like no if i do the weasels with the salad forks tha look like richard nixon will come and kill me. But anyways my point is i gots me one hot ass neighboor i tell you what. Ever since secretia moved in to the box next ta mine. I is thinking of building a tunnel betweens our houses fo night loving cause whens i opens the door spankypants says it let s the poisionis bears tha live in the ally. buts first i gots ta find the jackhammer but i am pretty sure i left it somwhere in the zoo from the time i wanted to kidnap a bear to scare the hell out a ole spankypants but i saw this little girl with a ballon and i gots the ballon confused with a ufo so i started followin her but every time she turned around i jumped in the bushes so she wouldn't know i was on to her so eventually i passed out cause i was high and woke up floating in the river behind the ole meat plant completely wrapped in bubble wrap. so i drew this picture of a poisionis bear instead that i woudls liek to show to you alls
I jus stuck some naked ladies with penises in there for old times sake. well i gots to go see yall later and all sexy ladies please comment on me fo some sweet lovin |
|
|
| god damn bears |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|01:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dirty | ] |
Yall liss'n here. God dayum guvernment an' their poisonous bears. one time I went ta the zoo an' I was walkin 'rounst I seen the bears an' Devone said ta me how the bare was the most dangerous critner ever an' I just commensed ta yellin 'bout the guvernment an' their god dayum poisonous bears an' how they year traininem ta fill out dreams wif ads fer space underwyear wif their radiative ahz. I fuckin hate those bears, I fuckin ne'er sleep now, MEVER I'aint want no underwear, god dayum underwyear is fer losers! No sleepin will tekk it out on yall so I sleep in the day time fer 10 minutes at a time. IF YOU SLEEP in the day time when the bears year out fuckin eattin barries or some shit then they cant git you, but if yall sleep mow then 10 minutes at a time then yall pick yall up on their sleep riders. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK BEARS LIVE IN CAVES Ya reckon? |
|
|
| my sexy girlfreind |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|01:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  horny | ] |
Hey all you ladies out there ole spanky pants finally figured out how to post pictures even though he says the goverment is watching us and if we post to many they will come down and shoot us with lasers. Buts anyways i stole a camera from the K hole ands took this sexy ass pic of my girlfreind so she can feel pretty. we even helped her put on some makeup adnher bests jewlry for the shot. I's been worried about her thou cause i is pretty sure she gots a case of my crabs. But that's was bound to happen with all the sweet loving we do. in fact i think i will go get some now. see ya's
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2005|12:52 am] |
Hey hey this iz Secretia here. I know Devone cuz he rocks me in the sack if you know what I mean, and if you don’t know what I mean I mean he gives me THE CROTCH CANNON in the dumpster behind the gas station cuz all the food in that dumspter makes for some squishy soft bedz, and then some good eatin afterwurd too. The first time Devone an I did our hot sexy shoving in to one another this guy named Mr Spanky Pants was there watchin us and mumbling really angry about bears stealin hotpokits or sum shit and I sez to him “DAYUMN YOUR SEXY, come over here and git in on dis.” But he told me that he can’t do it, on acownta that evrytime he gets lade bears or emus or somthin take part of his brain and mail it to the guvernent. So he says he will pay me money to make an antiy-guverment stick and cote his crate with tin foil, to block spy lasers or sumthin. I sed I would as long as he don’t pay me in no cash, hez gotsta pay me in crack, cocaine, or paint thinner. Right about then me an Devone finished our bizness and ate the corndogs benethe.
So nowz I gots me a job an I em a perductiv member o sosiety. I haven’t shot up in about 20 minutes, soz I relly gots ta go, but I’ll show you my sexy pic Devones girlfriend took of me.
I don’t remember any camera though, because at the time I was relly high on acid, cocaine, codeine, ecstasy, heroine, crack, hash, gasoline, stp, viagra, bennies, 2CI, DMT, toads, crystal meth, crank, weed, methamphetamine hydrochloride, special k, valium, tequila, mescaline, mushrooms, dxm, pcp, Methcathinon, dexies, and CROTH CANNON love, oh yeah, and a loooot of paint thinner. |
|
|
| hot pockets turn me on |
[Jan. 29th, 2005|10:52 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
Hey yall spankypants put in his firs entry and a sexy pic of himself from sixth grade. We only have that one picture of him on account of he thinks cameras steal his soul or some shit so that is why he keeps the picture in his underwear fo safe keeping. but ole spanky pants is one sexy mofo i tell you what. Oh mans I'ves been reading that hot fudge hole of a man beast chrises live journal again and i's have been just creaming all over the place like a dog in heat. And's that first entry with that naked man on it just really made THE CROTCH CANNON stand up and salute. One day I's gonna go over to his house adn meet him but not fo a while cause the cops is on to me cause of that one time i's was at the walmart cause i wanted to feel classy and all and i spotted this hot broad buying some of them little hot pockets you can cook in the microwave's that taste so good or yo can jus eat them raw like i do cause we aint' got no microwave adn the only time i can get them little hot pockets is when the new boy at the circle K forgets to put them in the freezer fo a few days and they get all mushy adn they chuck them out, which is funny cause one time when they did that one hit ole spanky pants in the head adn he thought it was a ufo so he started screaming and threatning to kill peedestrains with the rusty pipe i got him for christamas. buts anyways i see's this sexy chick buying hot pockets to i follow her home and passed out in her bushes fo a few hours cause i was drunk adn when i woke up I remembered about the hot pockets so i tried kicking in her door but I missed and my foot went through the aluminum siding on her house and I was stuck there for like three days because it turned out she was on vacation. so when the cops showed up i's got thrown in jail fo a week adn ever since then theys been watching me so i am not supposed to leave the state anymores. well's i got to go i thinks i hear something moving outside and i need to stay out of trouble so they don't take me away to the pokey again, though i do enjoy all the ass-raping ...........byes |
|
|
| 1001 1100 0010 1101 1101 0010 0111 1111 0001 |
[Jan. 27th, 2005|11:38 pm] |
 I
be at 7-11 todays and some whores walk up to Spanky, they be all "oh
spaky, fuck me hard! wooo" and I be all "oh bitch you wait I gots to
get me some beers first. god damn whores never get enough of THE
SPANKY.
The god damn goverment is fucking watching mes, They are fucking
everywheres. I swears they be wearing the runing suit standing by my
box, they be after me condoms, god damn comdom steals. god damn
goverment be watching you in the computers, they write down your phone
calls, they fucking get you.. I cants write to much here.. now... not
tills I knows the goverment aint watching me... god damn goverment...
god damns poisonous bears are the goverments brain babies.. you best be watchings yours backs.
|
|
|
| the boyscouts kill kittens with fire |
[Jan. 26th, 2005|03:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | high | ] |
Hey all you sexy ladies out there. Pretty soon you will have some really sexy pics of me if ole spanky pants would get off his ass and stop going through his new scrapbook of used condoms and figure out how to put them on. We is trying to maybe even save up for a computer so I's don't have to keep commiting breaking and entering everys time i need to use the computer. We's ain't got no plug here considering me and spankypants live in that crate that used to be filled with condoms down behind the circle K but I's been talking to fast eddie who runs the ole whorehouse down on whacker st. And's he siad it's cool so now i can check out all them hussies while i type. It will be better that way beecuase the last few days i's had to break into this one house across from the adult films shop but yesterday whens i gots done typing I started watchen TV and there was this show ons about the future and these hot space babes so I gots a huge boner but then i's must have been sitten on the remote control cause it switched to soem show with some fat broad in a sweater bitchen about's god and jesus and shit and as sexy as i think jesus is i still can't forget that time i got's kicked outs of church for pissing in the holy water and i loved that church cause the minister had soem big ole tittys i tell you what but anyways seeing that pink sweatered fat commie broad really made me lose my mojo ands i went as limp as a week ole hot dog So I's start shouting at the television, "TELEVISION, TURN OFF!!!" because I was watching that space show and I thought I was in it or something, I don't knowbuts the television doesn't turn off and that just pisses me off cause that commie broad is making my weiner feel like a sac of mayonaise so I pick up the end table and try to light it on fire so the fire department will come and then I can ask them to turn off the television for me.so then i's remembered from the Boy Scouts that you can catch shit on fire by rubbing it really fast, so I rubbed it against my pants as hard as I could but nothing happened and then the people who lived there came home and hit me on the head with a pipe and i woke up i was buried from the waist up at the beach and i was covered with roofing tar. so my point is the boyscouts are lieing to me so next time you see's a boyscout kick him in the face. |
|
|
| Damn canadian pirate ships |
[Jan. 25th, 2005|06:36 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  naughty | ] |
I's have been thinking lately cuz the cops told me I needs to stop drinking and getting high all the time cause it's is bad fo me. And there's nothing wrong with a cold pint of beer or glass of brake fluid once or ten times a day. I mean nothing bads ever happened exepct the time back in 76 where i had my car wich i sure miss since i crashed it cause that time I saw a fucking pirate ship following me down the road in my rear view mirror, but every time I turned around to look at it, it turned into a Dairy Queen and it kept fucking doing that so I shouted out the window, "go back to Canada you stupids pirate ship, I didn't sleep with you sister, she came on to me", because i founds out that day i got a big thing for peglegs and eyepatches, but this pirate ship wouldn't stop following me so I's got really tired so I fell asleep and woke up in the back of a police van wearing nothing but elbow pads, and covered in astroturf, and i never dids see that car again so If any of you out there see a 71 buick withs a naked lady with a penis spraypainted on teh hood ands some nude pictures of ma dead grandma in the back, please write me back and tell me cause i needs a car if i am ever gonna go down to Mexico and pick up that mail order bride i ordered about 5 years back. |
|
|
| Sexy Mayonaise |
[Jan. 23rd, 2005|02:35 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | horny | ] |
Oh man I's was on the internet the other day and i's was looking at some sexy love papa named Chris's live journal adn i got a huge boner just thinking about it. He's was talking about some kinda animal convection and i was like well hell I would do that. One time i found this dead possom out on the side of the ole state highway and i was like hell no sense in letting a perfectly good possom go to waste, so i's took it back to my box and i fucked that bitch like it was plamala anderson. It was still good it's face was just falling off a bit. But the worms kinda gave it a zesty kick to it that almost made it seem like it was alive. Man just thinking about that sexy-ass possum gives me a huge CROTCH CANNON. But i's is worried about that kid cause he's was mentioning this chick called Chelsea or something. I met a bitch who called herself that, back when i lived in kansas city. She had this wierd dykey hair and all, with some piss color in it. I was on the way to the zoo cause ole spankypants dared me to have sex with a tiger adn i's was like hells yeah, and he bet me his entire collection of used condoms (no no it is just for memories, ole spanky pants is really the romaansic type.) so i was on the way to the zoo and i's was eyeing me a tiger but she kept jumping up in front of it and i was like well hell if i can't fuck no tiger at least i can get me a garbage pile prostitute. Man that was the worst mistake of my life. I swear to G-zus it was like doing it with a jar of mayonaise, and i would know cause i did have sex with a jar of mayonaise, back when i was walking down the road and i saw this perfectly good week-old mayonaise jar sitting in the trash outside the abandoned whore house. Execpt the mayonaise jar was better because it didn't keep mouthin off and shit saying shit like "Oh Devone i love you so much, i had never had loving as good as your sexy CROTCH CANNON.'' adn "run away with me and live in the woods and we can have hot sex all day with animals." But back to the point i gots this huge boner thinking about this sexy chris fellow so if that turns any of you on then please come feel sexy with me. 8======D ( o Y o ) |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sexuation's journal